Monday, May 30, 2005

A Rainbow In My Heart

Well well well.

What a tiring and fantastic day in the merry merry month of may, I must say.

Wow, how it all rhymes.

Yup, tomorrow's the last day with Bjorn and Desjunior with painting house...well, my last day. New job as production designer in Inspidea's starting come this Wednesday, and leave the house-painting crew I must. Truthfully I'm real sad to leave this job. We actually have another week to go to finish the rest of the house. We sure had alotta fun painting that damn 3-storey monster. The entire past week being together with these two crazy sekolah rendah childhood friends of mine is really a massive bull session while working; catching up with each others lives and trash-talking each other silly and swapping dirty stories and out-do each other in telling jokes and discussing the latest trend in custom automobile mods and engines and...PHEW. The list goes on. I'm gonna miss that morning chee-cheong fahn and the nescafe ice. =( Oh, and the Maxilite too. (Love the smell. It's like glue. Ooooo gluuue) These two guys I can really work with.

I really don't know what to think about it; I'm gonna be starting my first job soon. What a prospect. I'm real thankful I got it at all. It's a gift from God the mighty Father even though it's only a 6-month contract. But then...argh what can I say? It's a great big fucking rainbow. On the one hand I'm happy that I'm gonna be earning my first paycheck. I'm happy I'm finally a working man, able to fulfill my parents' wish that I'm finally starting to take care of the family's finances. I'm happy I'm be taking over the ship's helm and become responsible for all its needs. And if all goes well, I'm happy I'm finally on my way to getting that new automobile I've always dreamt of, and to get that Satria I've been driving around for the past 4 years done up into my very own Custom Satria LUAV, or the Light Urban Attack Vehicle with the de-commissioned army .30-30 M-60 machine gun atop the bubble canopy roof (approved by the Malaysian government, of course). This is the beginning of the career I've always dreamed of.
But on the other hand I've gotta get through that FIRST ONE MONTH before I do earn my first paycheck. I've gotta begin all over again, in many aspects such as making new friends, securing contacts, gain trust, and to keep cool. I've gotta make a big change, as I'm not the dependent little child anymore. I've gotta learn to be less of a hypocrite. I've gotta learn to be more positive. I've gotta learn from all the people in my life to be more positive. This is all going to be so tough on me, I'm not sure I can keep up.

It feels as though I'm leaving my old, friendly, comfortable and familiar world just to step into a new, cold, fearful and predatory one just to make a much-needed living. It feels as though I'm leaving all my friends and the people I know. Damn, it feels so damn new.

Generally I'm happy. Heck man, I should be very happy. So what's the problem? What's all this uneasiness about in my heart? Like I said, it's a great big goddam rainbow (forgive me Father, for I have uttered profanity in Your name). I rejoice because it's a new phase in my life and something exciting to venture into, and yet I cry because right now I'm terribly uncertain of myself. Uncertain of what? Tha fuck am I uncertain of?! Gee, I really don't know. Months or years from now I know I'll surely laugh myself silly reading this crap 'cos by then I'll probably realise that all of it seems like a piece of cake, and all of this jabbering is nothing but overreacted talk and bullshit. But Julius of the future, don't you fucking forget that in account of the hardships that the NOW Julius have to endure, you've finally own that Satria LUAV. Don't you forget that, my friend.

Dammit. I'm gonna miss that early morning chee-cheong fahn like crazy. Sigh.


Blogger Cheese said...

Hey there Julius. Just wanna wish you Happy Working :D and keep up the good work yah. Remember that your talent is from God and use it to glorify His name.

1:35 AM  

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