Friday, January 27, 2006

What happened to the oath


It's been an eternity since I've posted any new updates on this piece of web fuck...or web piece of fuck...or fucking piece of web...or whatever.

Well now what has happened that's so valuable to update with anyways.
It's not like I'll be back to read this shit...not in a million years.
Cos in a million years i'll be dead. Hell not even my bestest of pals will come to read this. But then I feel i just have to write...something...writing really gives me this somewhat purging effect, like the last of my diarrheoa being discharged with the malignant air coming out lastly in huge long-lasting blasts to end it all.

mwagh. Anyway.

As i woke up this morning at 4pm to start work for the day, I had but a brief refletion upon certain facts that I have come to accept in my life for some time past.
Certain forgotten facts that have haunted my soul like a cancerous tumor within my body, now back in full force.

*IDEA*s, something so abundant and ultra rich in my soul and bonce during my younger days, has become but a commodity so rare that it's become more valuable than gold.
I don't blame you however, for not seeing this matter as something very serious, seeing as you're probably not in this professional line of exciting work. You're probably a boring neurosurgeon or a lame computer salesman.
As mundane as this topic can be, I'm taboo about ideas and I hold it something dear and sacred. Now, with my flair for original ideas gone, it feels as if someone's pissed on my gravestone, if not shat on it.

Is this really necessarily true? But then, what can i do about it? Does it merely mean a rift between crowning moments? Or does this mean I have declined?
Is it just a technicality or is it some permanent ailment in my creative career? What have I done to observe all this? What have I not done to keep myself at peak-performance? What happened to the oath i have taken during my more ambitious days when i joined the creative order of professional artists? The oath similar to the Hippocratic Oath taken by physicians to observe medical ethics?

Then, as I lay there bruised and bleeding after asking myself all these, a voice - could be my own - telling me that I suffer from several things. What, I (my conscious self) asked? The horrible truth was, that two of my greatest sins are SLOTH and PRIDE.
10 minutes of defeaning silence later, I decided that I also suffer from an appalling lack of motivation.
Talk about insult to injury.

Funny thing is, I'm not deeply depressed or anything lately, as is mostly the case with some creative people i know.

To conclude, I often keep telling myself that time will heal, and that we are what we make of ourselves, but i realise that's a load of bulls' shit (coining the term 'bulls' shit' and not 'bullshit', so as not to be so offensive) and bollocks. Anyway, this is thekind of stuff you get from watching Disney cartoons.

Anyway, first plan is to de-stress by taking a hike, go jogging, run down some snatch thieves on their motorbikes (i really don't mind doing that) or beat the shit out of someone at 2am with my samurai sword. Pray this works.

Julius, signin out


Blogger Cheese said...

Just drop by to say HELLO!

2:38 AM  

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